Thursday, June 29, 2017

I don't know what I am feeling...

I could do a TBT post.....I could show some pictures of years past when I was eating healthy and had way more time to exercise daily.  It shows...and its true....if you put the work in you get results you are looking for!



 Then here is another time...I must have come home from a run or walk or a class at the Y and found daughter on the computer.  There was a time when she would take A LOT of selfies on photo booth and I use to photo bomb them whenever I could!


But wait!!! I thought this was classic!! I can tell I am heavier in this picture and I can see the santa's behind me on the shelf.  Holidays/winter is ALWAYS hard on ME and once again it shows through my face.  (Hate to admit it but this picture kind of represents what I have been feeling for a couple of days now.....why now??? Not sure??? But I have some ideas running through my head per usual!!)



 I have no idea what I was thinking or doing in this photo but yet another look.  If I had to guess its during an in between period.  Not winter but not summer...I am just kind of THERE.  Probably thinking once again..."What's Next?"....."Is this MY purpose??"....."Should I be doing something more with my time/energy to live life to its fullest???"



 I guess photo bombing by the selfie girl is fair play....
she got me this time and it appears as though we are having fun! 
 ha!



 This was definitely a "thinner" time for me.  There is no way I could fit into these pants right now!! I believe this was about 4 years ago and I was dressing up for Panther week at school...maybe Homecoming week?? Anyway....trying to feel like a teen and probably the last time I felt like a teen...ha!



 And lastly, I kind of remember this self confession.  I think I just ate 6 cookies or something sweet that I know I should NOT have eaten.  But I remember feeling if I tell the truth that I really did just scarf down 6 of them then I would feel better.....it didn't work.  I also see the holiday season is starting up with the Thanksgiving cards behind me.....here we go again.



I do this.

I am all or nothing when I am eating well or badly.

I am all or nothing when I am exercising or feeling overwhelmed and sitting heavy.

I really want to be even on this road of life....no more ups and downs...

I guess its just a little of what I am feeling right now and 

yet its what I seem to be ALWAYS feeling

as you can see by my past.



MY BIGGEST FEAR~

That I may have passed these feelings or genes unto my girls.

I don't want them to go through this wishy washy mess 
of thoughts in my head that I continue to go through.

I love my life but I know I could LOVE it even more.




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