Monday, April 3, 2017

SHOOT .....missed "Confession Sunday", I have been Moody since being at home, and when will these gray skies disappear???



AKA...Life is better with BEER!

Rewind.....last week was Spring Break for most schools around the area and ours included.  Since I work for the district that means I had the week off too!  WooHoo...that is the good.  

However, that also means 2 of the 3 kids are off and home with me.  Oh, how I love our together time.  Really I do...when we are DOING something constructive, active, or physical......but when we are all together in the same house and I am washing clothes, vacuuming the house, keeping dishes and kitchen clean (get the picture) and OTHERS UNDER THE AGE 20 (you could probably guess) are watching tv, making dishes, making more dirty clothes, watching their phones, and lying around.....it makes one (ME) a little stir crazy.  

***Seriously, I have spent half of my life while raising these kids teaching them to wipe up crumbs, put dishes in the dishwasher, pick up the bathroom after a shower i.e.:towels, dirty underwear, hair in shower, mirror full of spit spots, etc....SO WHEN DO THEY LEARN????***

So what does one do??? Well, I plan a trip north for half of the break with the 2 young ones to lessen my cray cray time.  ;-))  SMART NO?! AS IN YES!  ............  WELL, NO! AS IN NO!!  

I forgot one simple truth....that is the bad.

My family up north sometimes causes me to go stir crazy too??.......

And wouldn't you know....we arrived at my parents place around 7PM....my mom got home by 8:15 from cleaning and by 9PM....I am pretty sure I wanted to get back in my car and head home.....that is the UGLY!  

What also made this ugly was that I cannot just let things go.  Sorry Elsa and Anna but I can not "Let it GO!" Feelings fester.  In fact, the last time I really got upset inside it took about 6 weeks to "let it go".  Granted ~ part of that time was coupled with Christmas and holidays are notoriously hard on me too so it wasn't until January that I began to feel better.  

I can already tell this won't be THAT bad or long but it is stirring up feelings of long ago when I use to be 5 miles out of town and I would cry because of how awful the trip made me feel.  Seriously....just cry.  And replay conversation after conversation in my mind or with hubby as to why he said this or she said that and is it REALLY ME or could it be KIND OF THEM? UGH!!

I thought I was long OVER those feelings, finally.  I thought I had "grown up".  I thought the small town perspective didn't bother me any more.....and boy, was I wrong.

I didn't drive home that night.  The next few days were tense, or so I felt the tension in the air.  By the time Tuesday morning came I think we were all ready for me to go home.  

I had a few more days left of "spring break" and they were kind of full of appointments, painting one daughters bedroom and a mother of a head ache that I couldn't shake.  Hmmm?  Wonder why?? ;-)

Today I went back to work.

Today has been gray, rainy, overcast etc.....I am once again questioning this thing called life and WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE????

Does anyone else do that???

You get upset, things fester, you remember conversations of 15 years past and all of a sudden you wonder WHAT IS MY PURPOSE??!! 

Seriously!

What makes you / me happy?

Why do I always feel like I need change?

Am I misunderstood or do I not understand?

What makes you tick?

Why do I get so ticked?

And kids????  The BEST thing of life and yet one of the SADDEST things of life....If you are like me then YOU just want YOUR kids to BE HAPPY.  I see sadness, tears, questioning, fear, judgement, wonder, measuring, and trouble.......when they are like this it tears me apart.  

I cannot "let it go" as Elsa would like me too and it hurts even more than my own hurt.



So there was no "Confession Sunday" this week.  I have been moody and I want these gray skies to disappear.  

SHOOT!




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