When this happens my mind starts running out of control. I play back the words said or the actions done over and over in my head.
I try to say each word differently each time ~ this allows more emphasis on each word so it gives me a different way to react (possibly) to it. Some times this works. I hear the words differently and think...."Oh, they must have meant to say it that way" and then it doesn't bug me as much.
Some times it doesn't work.
The words linger in my mind.
The words don't hurt as I am sure some words hurt others, they just repeat like an old record that skips and repeats the same words over and over again.
Is that weird? Why can't I just let them go? They aren't hurting me. They just bug me.
BECAUSE THEY were NOT THE WORDS I would have said????
THUS, THEY ARE OUT OF MY CONTROL.
~~~~~ Same with actions~~~~
Some one may DO something and it bugs me.
Not bugging me that it hurts my heart, but it bugs me inside where I want to shout my true, deep, down inner thoughts to them (but I don't) because I know it will hurt them. **yeah, for me but not for my head***
Its such a weird feeling to describe!!!!
I honestly don't feel sad, but it bugs me and its so hard keeping my mouth shut that I feel like I am being suffocated.
Then I feel like I am the ONLY person that ever feels this way.
Is that weird?
It happens again....the actions replay over and over in my mind. I think why did she do that? Why does he/she act that way? I don't think I care...it just bugs me.
I WOULD NOT HAVE ACTED THAT WAY.
I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THEIR ACTIONS.
~~~~~So then I want to eat ~~~~~
~~~~I want to voice my opinions but not be judged or given another opinion thus, I know that is not possible so I keep quiet. Except for this blog. ha!~~~~~
And then life goes on.........
Its not exactly the life I would have planned out for him/her...but its their life and we each have to make our own path in life. Our choices will determine our path. Our path will determine the outcome of our life. Our life is ours to live so I hope we are all living and not just suffocating.
To enjoy my life I must let go....of this thing that bugs me..... and this thing that wants to have this control ......when actually its not mine to control.