First things first...this Confession Sunday is full of emotions.
Emotions not Emoji's
1. I recently remembered that our local library rents movies for $1 a day (or 24 hours) when I went there with Kenzie days ago I checked out Collateral Beauty w/ Will Smith and Moana w/ animation. ;-) Both were good however the first one was GREEAAAAAT! I was totally caught off guard with something close to the end of the movie (which I won't say in case you haven't seen it and still want to) but it had my crying huge tears. And I can cry at the drop of a hat these days. I am VERY emotional and any thing parental related makes me cry instantly.
2. We dog sat over the weekend for a 6 month old retriever. She was very excited at first arrival...eeeekkk (not sure what I was getting into) but by the time it was over we were both calm and ready to have our house back to normal.
Rudy, our mini dachshund, proving once again that size doesn't matter when it comes to dominance. Here he successfully got BOTH toys from the retriever!
3. Upon returning the above movies to the library I checked out two more. This time I watched JACKIE w/ Natalie Portman and Manchester by the SEA w/ Casey Affleck. Hmmm, different movies for sure. I love any movie based on a true story or somehow shares with us views of someone's life whether completely true or not one can relate. JACKIE did this. I didn't know what to expect with the Affleck flick ~ it was different but again...so many scenes were relatable from a parental perspective that I was crying.
5. Random thoughts about #4 ........ Parenting should come with a book. I don't like how society views the parental role these days. Either we hover too much or we are too lazy and let the kids live on their electronics/phones. Every time I even start to raise my voice on a matter that REALLY MATTERS I have visions of "Mommy Dearest" running through my head...."No more plastic hangers!" I don't want that so I feel I pull back....and then I don't see them because they are living in their "fake" world of social media!!!!!
I mean no one wants to be controlling, we want our kids to be independent. But what happens when there "independent" choices involve their bedroom and their phone?
How do you teach confidence?
How do you teach control?
How do you teach each to stand up for their view and what they think is right? But then they are too afraid of making everyone happy and more afraid of hurting others feelings than how they feel themselves?
6. It's sooo hard when you (I) have one type of personality and your kids (mine) have a different one. Don't get me wrong....if everyone in this house had the same personality THAT would be SCARY too but sometimes I don't understand how one of my children can be so passive when I am not really.
7. So the discussions start. We have shared many stressors today and yesterday. We cried. A lot.
8. It's hard seeing and now knowing how REALLY stressed your kids are and feel.
9. Decisions. Future. Colleges. Ideas. Some just get it and some struggle.
10. And yet after crying over some of these movies this weekend I am once again reminded that life is but a breath. We are here for what???? What is our purpose??
11. Why do we freak out over failing? Looking stupid in front of others? Will they remember once we're dead?
12. Why do we want so much for our kids IF THEY DON'T want it???
I have been doing a lot of reflecting in between my tears.
I am beginning to feel more about what matters and what doesn't.
When I should insert my Mommy Dearest voice and when I will Let it Go.
What if today was my last day???
What will they remember about me?
Why did GOD put me here?
Why did GOD put you here?