I know exactly when it started. It was Thanksgiving and being surrounded with yummy foods, family and drinks. I enjoyed all. We were eating, drinking, chatting and playing with the young nieces....the nephews are teens now and really want nothing to do with the aunties. ;-)
And then, and I am being totally honest here people, I noticed hubby stayed on the porch with only a brother in law watching football most of the day. Not much interaction. Not much small talk.
I guess I thought he should be chatting with "the other family members" too. I thought, "Its Thanksgiving and we don't see everyone over the winter after this so mingle with all more".
Weird feelings started to fester in my gut. The next day we went shopping downtown and hubby choose to stay home on the couch...yikes those same gut wrenching twinges are filling my gut.....why wouldn't he want to be with us shopping rather than on the couch?
I kind of stopped breathing over the next few days....figuratively not literally.
I kind of processed his withdrawal as a withdrawal from me, us, my DL family.
I kind of went into my holiday/winter/ cold weather depression a little early and then I stayed there long and hard until the first week of January.
So how did I cope from Thanksgiving until January 4th or there about?????? By eating and laying around on every chair/couch in my house. No exercise. No veggies. Lots of ice cream. Lots of beer.
And where did that get me????
I was happy while eating the ice cream but now my pants are tight again.
I was enjoying my "down time" but now my thighs are more giggly.
I was able to bike for almost an hour with out feeling tired out but now after minutes I am breathing heavy.
I was loving vegetables and now I feel like I have to learn to love them again.
I was sleeping well and never felt that afternoon drag but now I reach for a "pick me up" at 3pm because I am tanking by 2.
I was very nervous about Nicole moving out and now she says she will be staying another year at least.
Just like a switch turned on my unhealthy emotions a switch can turn them off too. YEA!
I got through the holidays!
I got through the cold spell! (and yes, I know we are not done with winter but this mild week has been wonderful!!!)
We are busy with Owen's swimming....meets, practices, carb dinners etc...it makes the winter fly so much faster. Thumbs up for that!!!!
Hubby started talk of his Planning Conference in NY and he convinced me to go too!! (Always exciting planning a trip even if its not until MAY!!)
We are connected!!
Others think I am not empathetic when in reality my mind feels very much for others however, my body language and words don't show it.
My weight gain doesn't mean life is over.....It's just time to start again!!
Dare I say, I feel happy!
My kids think I am crazy sometimes but I don't care.....I need to give them something to remember me with. ;-)
I need to stop, look, think, slow down, relax, enjoy, do, and go.
Every little decision we make ~ makes a difference!!!
I cannot wait for SPRING!!!
A little is better than nothing.
A little is better than the entire half gallon....(some will get that others .....think...ice cream)
Why finally now is it clicking again?
Who knows....the mind is funny for sure.....