WITI~sounds like Witty....KT~My initials...Thus, WiTiKT is what I want to hope I am most days when I am not going crazy from 2 part time jobs, parental guilt, trying to eat healthy, and finding my way back to exercise. Life is what I make of it....that is "What I Think I Know Today"....lets see what tomorrow brings. ;-)
Tuesday, December 6, 2016
My "premenopausal" mind.....
Well its been about a week and I think I am finally over the whole Thanksgiving debacle.
I had a gathering with some of my "Y" co-workers Sunday night. I debated whether to go or not because lately I just couldn't motivate myself to go anywhere if I thought I may be the "Debbie Downer" of the evening.
***No body likes a Debbie Downer ~ right?**
The thoughts started: I hadn't seen most of these ladies in months. I knew the host had probably cleaned, planned and prepared for all and I replied "YES" that I would come weeks ago. It was just me. My family wasn't invited.
Would I be able to talk with out bawling?
Would I pour out my issues that I have been feeling lately?
Would they judge me?
Would they see MY point of view at all or simply call me a Grinch, crazy, or "That's just YOU"?
Would they point out the "bad stuff" in another's actions and then say ....Wow, you are acting just like Kathy? (yes, it happens)
(I guess for once after almost 48 years of living this life ,
I am noticing a lot of things differently)
AND IT'S MAKING ME SICK INSIDE.
So I went.
The girls chatted and I gravitated to the two "older ladies" of the group. (Yes, I am now officially in with the older women). One is 57 and the other around 50. I have been curious about a lot of premenopausal feelings I have been having so I started to ask them.
And what did I learn?
EVERYBODY GOES THROUGH MENOPAUSE DIFFERENTLY!!
DO NOT COMPARE.
SOME MAY NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE FEELING.
YOU ARE NOT CRAZY!!
I wanted to and almost cried many times during those couple of hours we spoke. My mother doesn't remember her menopause days. My older sister has had no issues or changes with her monthly yet. I, of course am different once again.
My periods are longer, shorter, heavier and less.
My cramps I like to compare to child birth.
My back aches are daily.
My hormones are nuts.
My older (57) year old friend said it felt to her like she could cry at the drop of a hat most days, hours, and minutes. Then, once in a while she would have a couple of "normal" hours. She was back.
She enjoyed her family around her.
She loved her job and her duties.
Then, menopause would come back. And the cycle of emotions would start again....
This is what I feel I am going through!!
(and add the fact that I deal with Seasonal Affects Disorder ~
I am a work right now!)
I made myself a doctor's appointment for Friday!! I cannot wait. I hope something will help.
Her finally words to me were.....if you EVER feel horrible or at your wit's end....CALL ME! There will be days....and it may last for years.