Thursday, June 2, 2016

Sometimes my head is so full of stuff that I think its going to explode.....

I have so much going on in my head and yet I have no one to share it with. 


Because people are ridiculous.

 It's true and I guess it took me a therapy session from the lady who dyes my hair to actually acknowledge it.  Yesterday I had my hair done (I shared a pic on the last post) I kinda, sort of, started to share some feelings about life and what I had been thinking......
but then I stopped myself and did a quick double take around the salon.

I wanted to make sure no one I knew may be around me for fear they would overhear anything I shared....

I then REALLY stopped my thoughts and said, "Meh, its really no big deal" to which she replied...."Oh, you can save the "dirt" for your girlfriends some night out".....

And then I literally~ without hesitation said~ 
"Oh, I don't have any girlfriends that I would share anything;
 that REALLY means something to me with"

Well, I kind of think HER head exploded.

And that's when I got a 2 minute therapy session for free.....

I started.....  

Well~ Yes, it's true.  I seriously don't have a friend I would share any deep secret with.  (Not that I have any deep, dark secrets...but, sometimes you just want to share some feelings about work, people in general, likes, dislikes, family stuff etc...and I don't.  Nope. Period.  I keep it all in ~ until my head explodes or I have a good crying session to release it)

Why?  I am not sure.  I honestly can never remember a time I shared something with a friend and then they told someone else.  So in a way I have never been burned by that but, I have always been closed off.

She shared that she is an open book and often shares too much.  I asked how others respond to her sharing and she didn't really say or care much.  She just said she talks, others listen and the conversation goes on.

I think that's it!!!!!!  ** Insert bell ding, ding, dinging in my head**

I think too much about what I may say....and I start to wonder what the other will think?  How will she (said friend) respond?  How will I respond to her response?  Will it be what I want to hear?  Will she say nothing at all?  Will I REALLY BE HEARD? (in one ear out the other) Will she cast aside my thoughts and words to just tell me about her issues?  And then of course, will she share my thoughts with someone else next time she is with another friend?  

Once all of that has ran through my head I usually need another sip of my beer and decide not to say anything at all....keeping it all socially acceptable, with head nods, and a listening ear while filling my head up even more until it explodes at a later date.

So have ya been there???  

Open or closed book kind of person??

1 comment:

Alissa A Journey to Thin said...

This actually sounds like anxiety to me on some levels. I am like this too. It takes me a really, really long time to open up to people. I don't have friends that I share deep things with... just the hubby. I am really trying to make friends and put myself out there a little bit more. It's scary!