Sometimes its all one can hang on to
sometimes thank goodness for that
After feeling pretty blue yesterday I pulled on my big girl pants ~ repeated over and over in my head; "I Can Do This" and off I went. I worked my shift at the Y and it wasn't that bad....until I was leaving...a fellow co-worker is pregnant and due in two weeks. She is "all natural" when it comes to delivering.....no drugs, no meds, no doctor (just a mid-wife) and at her house (unless there is a medical need to go to the hospital)....her first 3 children were delivered the same way and all went fine.
As I was leaving work I stopped to chat with her and another worker a bit. Talking about the delivery etc...I jokingly said, "This one will probably be different", "This delivery may not go as smoothly and maybe there will be more pain".....just truly joking as we were talking all about different deliveries ~ what if it happened in the car, on the way to the hospital, in the bathtub, on the side of the road etc....but she looked at me and said:
"Why would you say that?" "How could you want me to feel more pain?"......................
She was dead serious.
The other co-worker replied with ..."Well, that was a Debbie downer".
I was speechless.
I do joke. I kind of thought we were joking around. I don't know why I said that except to, I guess, hear more about her back up plan if this delivery didn't go as well as the first three. But. Why would I say it? Of course, I don't wish her any more pain then a typical delivery.
I left feeling like a Debbie Downer....and thinking my whole day was a Downer...I drove home and thought about going straight to a hospital....I felt really down....then I kept thinking just get home, just get home.....I did. I swallowed my thoughts. I thought about my joking comments ~ I thought why do I want so much from my kids and others when I do not offer much to others or more specifically co-workers.
Off to bed to start a new....
This morning I kept saying "You can do it, You can do it" I went to work, I ran errands, I did it.
By the time I got home I felt exhausted.....I decided to read some blogs and read this PreApproved quote from another blog.....thank goodness I was and am loved without HIM waiting for me to get my act together. I need to get it together especially during these Minnesota winter months.
Have you ever said something you wish you could take back?
Have you ever really wondered why did I say that?