Sunday, March 19, 2017

It's been a week so I guess that means another Confession Sunday.

First things first...this Confession Sunday is full of emotions.
Emotions not Emoji's
🙍 🙏😭


1.  I recently remembered that our local library rents movies for $1 a day (or 24 hours) when I went there with Kenzie days ago I checked out Collateral Beauty w/ Will Smith and Moana w/ animation.  ;-) Both were good however the first one was GREEAAAAAT! I was totally caught off guard with something close to the end of the movie (which I won't say in case you haven't seen it and still want to) but it had my crying huge tears.  And I can cry at the drop of a hat these days.  I am VERY emotional and any thing parental related makes me cry instantly.

2.  We dog sat over the weekend for a 6 month old retriever.  She was very excited at first arrival...eeeekkk (not sure what I was getting into) but by the time it was over we were both calm and ready to have our house back to normal.
Rudy, our mini dachshund, proving once again that size doesn't matter when it comes to dominance.  Here he successfully got BOTH toys from the retriever! 

3.  Upon returning the above movies to the library I checked out two more.  This time I watched JACKIE w/ Natalie Portman and Manchester by the SEA w/ Casey Affleck.  Hmmm, different movies for sure.  I love any movie based on a true story or somehow shares with us views of someone's life whether completely true or not one can relate.  JACKIE did this.  I didn't know what to expect with the Affleck flick ~ it was different but again...so many scenes were relatable from a parental perspective that I was crying.  

4.  Kids!

5.  Random thoughts about #4 ........ Parenting should come with a book.  I don't like how society views the parental role these days.  Either we hover too much or we are too lazy and let the kids live on their electronics/phones.  Every time I even start to raise my voice on a matter that REALLY MATTERS I have visions of "Mommy Dearest" running through my head...."No more plastic hangers!"  I don't want that so I feel I pull back....and then I don't see them because they are living in their "fake" world of social media!!!!!
      I mean no one wants to be controlling,  we want our kids to be independent.  But what happens when there "independent" choices involve their bedroom and their phone?  
     How do you teach confidence?
     How do you teach control?
     How do you teach each to stand up for their view and what they think is right? But then they are too afraid of making everyone happy and more afraid of hurting others feelings than how they feel themselves?  
     
6.  It's sooo hard when you (I) have one type of personality and your kids (mine) have a different one.  Don't get me wrong....if everyone in this house had the same personality THAT would be SCARY too but sometimes I don't understand how one of my children can be so passive when I am not really.  

7.  So the discussions start. We have shared many stressors today and yesterday. We cried.  A lot. 

8.  It's hard seeing and now knowing how REALLY stressed your kids are and feel.

9.  Decisions.  Future.  Colleges.  Ideas.  Some just get it and some struggle.

10.  And yet after crying over some of these movies this weekend I am once again reminded that life is but a breath.  We are here for what???? What is our purpose?? 

11.   Why do we freak out over failing?  Looking stupid in front of others?  Will they remember once we're dead?

12.  Why do we want so much for our kids IF THEY DON'T want it???


I have been doing a lot of reflecting in between my tears.  

I am beginning to feel more about what matters and what doesn't.  

When I should insert my Mommy Dearest voice and when I will Let it Go.

What if today was my last day???

What will they remember about me?

Why did GOD put me here?

Why did GOD put you here?




Sunday, March 12, 2017

Confession Sunday

Don't we all need a little confession session now and then?  Well, today is the day to dump .........

Confession Sunday:

1.  I have been and continue to be an emotional eater...I can't stop this cycle...

2.  Lately my go to has been bags of chocolate chips.  (and butterscotch chips ;-(

3.  I am cheap

4.  Because I am cheap I have huge issues with throwing foods away.
(it would be wasting money or so my brain thinks....but it would also be saving me calories/fat....although in the moment I think wasting money is worse...so I eat it)

5.  I have huge issues with 
and lately it feels like its getting worse!
Every time I go outside and its the least bit cold, or I carry a gallon of milk, or hold a cold bottle of water my fingers turn white.  They stay this way for 15-20 minutes...they feel like they are being stabbed with tiny needles for about 8 of those minutes while they transition back to normal...I have wanted to cry because of it lately too.  I get REALLY depressed in the cold and THIS makes it worse.
(So #1 and #2 have been horrible lately...as in most clothes are tight!!!)

6.  I am going to quit my Y job this Friday when I go in.  That way my 2-week notice of resignation will end exactly at the end of the month. ;-)

7.  I haven't worked out since Thanksgiving....I have no gumption to do so and I don't even care.

8.  I am pretty bitchy today.

9.  Owen had another mole removed this past Friday and now I have made an appointment to have one removed thats on my shoulder....talk about fun times around here.

10.  UGH!!!




Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Letting go is hard..........

Sometimes things people do bug me.  

When this happens my mind starts running out of control.  I  play back the words said or the actions done over and over in my head.  

I try to say each word differently each time ~  this allows more emphasis on each word so it gives me a different way to react (possibly) to it. Some times this works. I hear the words differently and think...."Oh, they must have meant to say it that way" and then it doesn't bug me as much.

Some times it doesn't work.

The words linger in my mind.

The words don't hurt as I am sure some words hurt others, they just repeat like an old record that skips and repeats the same words over and over again.

Is that weird?  Why can't I just let them go?  They aren't hurting me.  They just bug me.

BECAUSE THEY were NOT THE WORDS I would have said????  

THUS, THEY ARE OUT OF MY CONTROL.

~~~~~ Same with actions~~~~

Some one may DO something and it bugs me.

Not bugging me that it hurts my heart, but it bugs me inside where I want to shout my true, deep, down inner thoughts to them (but I don't) because I know it will hurt them.  **yeah, for me but not for my head***

Its such a weird feeling to describe!!!!

I honestly don't feel sad, but it bugs me and its so hard keeping my mouth shut that I feel like I am being suffocated.

Then I feel like I am the ONLY person that ever feels this way.  

Is that weird?

It happens again....the actions replay over and over in my mind.  I think why did she do that? Why does he/she act that way?  I don't think I care...it just bugs me.

I WOULD NOT HAVE ACTED THAT WAY.

I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THEIR ACTIONS.

~~~~~So then I want to eat ~~~~~

~~~~I want to voice my opinions but not be judged or given another opinion thus, I know that is not possible so I keep quiet.  Except for this blog.  ha!~~~~~


And then life goes on.........


Its not exactly the life I would have planned out for him/her...but its their life and we each have to make our own path in life.  Our choices will determine our path.  Our path will determine the outcome of our life.  Our life is ours to live so I hope we are all living and not just suffocating.





To enjoy my life I must let go....of this thing that bugs me..... and this thing that wants to have this control ......when actually its not mine to control.  






Wednesday, March 1, 2017

You know you're old when......

I listen to talk radio now and the title of the last airing I heard was just that ~ 
YOU KNOW YOU'RE OLD WHEN.....

before I enlighten you with my new knowledge of old age I will let you enjoy a couple of pictures from "the day before my" birthday breakfast.


 We visited a place called "Black coffee and waffle bar".  They have a location in St. Paul and Minneapolis and we found the St. Paul one was a bit closer so we were off.  I think the only word I have to say is YUM!



OK ~ oh how I digress when it comes to food...


How do you know when you can
 officially say you are "old" or entered the "older aged group"?

1.  You get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom
2.  You wake up in the middle of the night, go into the bathroom and forget why you are there.
3.  When you have to scroll waaaay down the list when filling out your age on the computer in order to find the YEAR you were born!
4.  When "Going out to eat" means "I will meet you at 3 for happy hour, so that I can be home by 7....before it gets late"
5.  When you go out after 9PM and realize you are the oldest one still out.
6.  When you gain weight and don't care
7.  When you would rather meet for brunch than dinner.
8.  When 80's music is consider an oldie but a goodie.
9.  When you hear a song from the 90's and others call it a "Classic"
and the #10 reason?????
10.  When you listen to talk radio!


And these were just the top 10 I could remember....the "radio personalities" had listeners phoning in to give more examples but I was too busy shaking my head in agreement and laughing to remember any more.  

Yes, people I am officially old!!

And I have 3 animals staring at me in agreement!


Can you relate???

It's ok if you don't ~ I am old ~ I won't remember!
ha!

Friday, February 24, 2017

Finally....not sure why it was having issues?????

Right now my blog is like my life .... 
I am having a few issues ~ with both.

I got a new iPhone 7Plus a few weeks ago.  
**insert smiley face**
I have been wanting a new/bigger phone for a while now.   Once hubby and I officially bought our tickets to NY ~for our trip in May~ I knew it was time to seriously start looking.  I had saved some Christmas money and used some birthday money and decided to bite the bullet and buy it a little early and I love it!!

Although I am a little slow ~ I realized today I haven't uploaded any recent pictures to the computer since the purchase ... ugh...today became the day to do it.  

I am not sure why but the upload from my phone to the computer went perfect ~ woohoo! However, when I went to upload the photos to this post it wouldn't download???? After waiting 10 minutes or so and pushing THE button a lot more times than I probably should have ~ it finally worked.

(And they downloaded quite quickly if I do say so)


So ~ finally a few pics of my life lately...

This is one of many Valentine's I received from a preschooler....but this one happens to be my favorite (don't tell the others)...love the old fashion look with the trim.

 I went north last weekend to see my parents and family.
While at my sister's house she opened this bottle of wine....
YUM!
The photo was taken so I wouldn't forget it.
;-)


When I asked Owen if I could take his picture in his "prelim section/state warm ups" he gave me THE LOOK....
then, he got up and gave me the side smile.

Good boy! 

Section "prelims" were yesterday in Rochester...
hubby and I went a bit before the start so we could have lunch there.


We saw a couple of billboards advertising great burgers at Newt's Bar and Grill.
It did not disappoint.  

 And finally a few pics from my viewpoint...
top photo Owen is in the middle sporting his black warm ups from top to bottom.
;-)


Owen still doesn't want to let go of his pants....ha!

And he is fully dressed again..ha!
(this time he is middle left ~ you can probably figure it out)
Owen is in 8th grade and has a typical 8th grade build ~ thin, not yet hit puberty, tall and lanky kind of build~ the guy in the lower middle sporting the speedo is in 10th grade and is our best swimmer...he has hit puberty and actually has the build of an olympic swimmer minus the height...ha! 
The difference in boys and their build is crazy..


Owen did swim even though these pictures don't show it...its way too hard to get a decent picture when he is swimming without a big camera and a nice action lens so I don't even try anymore.


Tomorrow is the section finals.
Top 16 swim in each event with the top 8 being in the Championship swim and the bottom 8 being in the consolation swim...the overall winner and anyone who swims a "State Time" advances to state the following weekend.  

Good Luck to all ~ 





Tuesday, February 21, 2017

10 days in.....

That is I am officially 10 days in being 48 and YES, I have to say it is still going great!  ha! (I guess the only way it wouldn't be going great is if I were dead....that would be not so great....)

I feel I have definitely become more ME.  How do you ask??? Well, let me share.....

1.  In the past if something someone said or did really bugged me I may have become irked by it and let it fester inside by thinking and rethinking about it constantly.  Now, in a "Ms. Witi nice" sort of way I say something.  "Why do you feel that way?"  "You say I shouldn't judge but then with your words...etc...you are really judging..."

2.  I am trying to appreciate people for their uniqueness.  I know none of us like being told we are fat, ugly, rude, or have ZERO empathy....even if its blatantly true! Still I kind of think we know it to a fault ~ how could one not know when he or she is obese or how could one not see those who care and do so much for others compared to those others who still care (don't get me wrong) but just don't show it or may not do as much to prove it.

3.  I am trying to do things because I want to do them....not because others want me to do them.  Yeah, sometimes I tag along because a daughter may really want me to but if its a major NO in my brain then its probably going to be a major NO thanks coming out of my mouth.

4.  I am testy.  If you step on my toes I may just step on yours. period.

5.  Ahhh....well, right now 4 things is enough....I don't want my hubby who may be reading to be laughing too hard or shaking his head too much with all my disclosures.  ;-)


How about you??? Think about your life....what or how have you become more you lately??

Monday, February 13, 2017

I am definitely 48...

Not that anyone really cares but occasionally I change up the look of my blog.....since I turned a year older I thought I would change it again...to look cleaner, leaner, older and more fierce.  (Dang I think I just described myself and feeling 48!!)

Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha!!

Seriously though.....this 48 thing is just fine.  

Yes, I feel older.

Yes, I feel wiser.

Yes, I don't worry as much about what other people think about me, my clothing choices, my personality etc....I feel freer.  ;-)

Time to do what I want to do because I want to do it.  Period.

With that said ~

I drink beer when I want to.

I would eat ice cream for breakfast if I wanted to.

I believe I am WAY more funnier because I simply am!

I am going to exercise when I want to...not because I feel I have to or should.

I will laugh more....because Holy Hannah, people are funny whether they realize it or not.  

I am also going to do things on a whim more.  (I use to live by my calendar and still need to a bit with kids in high school, jobs, sports, church schedules etc....but when the time is available or a day is open I may just be gone....bye bye....off to explore more!)

The list could go on...but I need to get to work...