Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Ups and downs lately...

Up:  I think I finally found an ice cream my kids won't like...Java Chunk!  It tastes like coffee with chocolate chunks...Yum to me but not so much for the kids....win/win.

Down:  I woke up yesterday morning and like always went into the mud room to feed the dog.  That day however I found the cats sitting like statues right in front of the dryer.  Hmmm?  I fed the dog and turned on the dryer....just kind of curious to see if "something" may come out from behind....sure enough a little gray mouse darted into the closet....

Major Down:  I then proceeded to clean out the closet to get rid of the mouse...and I could not find the mouse anywhere!! So now we have a mouse in the house....time to buy some traps!

Up:  I had a dental appt. this morning and it felt like I was on a girls' outing....the hygienist and I chatted like old friends and then my dentist chimed in too...never had so much fun at the dentist before!

Down:  That same hygienist said she may be moving to South Carolina...I guess our friendship is over.

Up:  We are staying put this Thanksgiving.  No traveling.  No relatives to piss off.  No worrying about where the dog should stay.  No driving.

Down:  The kids don't get to spend time with their cousins because we are staying put......oh well.  ha!

Up:  We are having our Thanksgiving dinner catered!!  (Aka: I don't have to cook!)

Down:  Probably won't have as many leftovers....but that's ok too.

Up:  We are invited to a "Friendsgiving" on Friday night.  And since we are in town we are able to attend....woo hoo!

Down:  It's not really another Thanksgiving feast....we will be having appetizers and drinks but with friends so we are calling it a "Friendsgiving"...giving thanks for friends you know.




Just a little taste of what's been happening around here...take care and Gobble til you Wobble!! Or go out for a walk/run after you have gobbled and napped....the leftovers will tasted so much better than.

Monday, November 20, 2017

Availability


Loving Father~

I come to you today to make myself 100 percent available to you.
I lay everything I have and everything I am at your feet.
Take what you want to take 
and give what you want to give.

Command me in all things.

I will do whatever you ask me to do.
Transform me and transform my life, so that I may become 
the-VERY-BEST-version of MYSELF
And lead others to you with my life and my love!

AMEN!



(sometimes even I need a little reminder and pick me up...)

Sunday, November 12, 2017

Just some Sunday thoughts...

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     Ever feel like just when you think you finally have it together you realize you don't?  Or how about your relationships?  Some days they just work better than others right?  

I mean some days I can talk with my kids and its as though we are just going through the motions.  Our lips are moving. I hear words but really I am not connected and I wonder if they aren't either.  

Other times we talk and we laugh.  We REALLY share moments and no one is rushing to leave the room or check their phone.  

Then there is work life.  Do you ever just feel swallowed up by all the emotions you feel during the day?  I shared in another post that this year I took a new job with our district working in an EBD classroom.  The kids grade level vary between 9th and 12th grade and some kids we see all day and others come and go depending on the hour.

These kids are kids.  They are obviously in need of attention and just want to feel accepted for who they are.  In the ideal world if I could have one on one time with each to get to know them.....REALLY KNOW THEM.  I feel we could plan, teach, and work something out for each of them to move forward and grow.  But we are not in the ideal world.  

They, like so many teens, still feel pressure among those in the class to be the "showoff".  To be "cool".  To act like teachers suck.  To act like THEY don't need to do class work.  God forbid they would actually "ACT" like they care about school and learning.  NO WAY.  That would show they are vulnerable and in their eyes......weak.  

Talk about an EMOTIONAL ROLLER I COASTER!!

One hour I will be talking, interacting, and actually breaking through that "tough exterior" and the next hour I am being called a "F-ing Bit**".  Yes, they should be reprimanded but often it happens so much that we would be sending these kids to the dean hourly.  So then, it comes back to how can we teach them differently.  

Plus, I am only the assistant.
The teacher teaches.
I don't have as much say in the classroom routine but I wouldn't want that responsibility either.
The teacher has a tough call.
My eyes have been opened to some of our future adults in society.


I am far from perfect.  Maybe that's why I feel like I can relate to these students a little bit more.   

They drive me crazy.  They make me feel emotions that I have probably stuffed away so long ago because I too felt like I didn't belong in many high school situations.  They have me thinking about them on Sunday night wondering if they made it through another weekend.  And during the week I often find myself wishing for the "end of the day bell" to ring so that I can have a break from them ........after only a few hours of being with them again.  

Talk about being crazy huh?  

I appreciate my family more than they know.  I appreciate my husband as he deals with my emotional roller coaster.   I appreciate my kids for being them.  I have always had a hard time showing my emotions and sharing my feelings.  But hopefully some day I will be able to get to that point where they REALLY know.....if they don't already.




Tuesday, October 31, 2017

We have no one trick and treating and we didn't carve pumpkins but Halloween still arrived!!

 Last year this was Owen's haul ..... and we ALL benefited from his efforts and fun......

This was a pumpkin from last year because this year ....
I DIDN'T BUY A SINGLE ONE!!

I know right!!

I kept thinking I should or I would but I didn't.

Then, just last night as I was going to bed I told the kids I was super surprised they never mentioned carving pumpkins.  I was surprised they NEVER asked if we were even going to be doing it this year.  They never asked ANYTHING! 

(thus, I never did anything either!)

THEN 
they 
BOTH
said
WE
figured 
"You 
weren't 
doing 
it 
THIS
YEAR!"

Well, when did it become all about me?  I guess I never knew I dictated our holidays and more specifically our pumpkin carving.  ha!  The funny thing is; they both have money and one has a drivers license so they are very able to get a said pumpkin if they REALLY wanted one.  

If I have said it once, I have said it 500 hundred times.....I am not a mom that does EVERYTHING for their kiddos.  I am not the over achieving kind of mom.  I do not keep up with other moms. I do not go above and beyond like some moms.  And I certainly never said I wanted to be responsible for planning all holiday activities including but not limited to .... buying and carving pumpkins.  ;-)

Will my kids be all the better or worse off because of it and my thinking??

It's probably too early to tell just yet.

I am not perfect.  They are not perfect.  We are not perfect.

Lord help us all.






Monday, October 30, 2017

I am so confused and sometimes confusion is just plain confusing!!

This tree is beautiful.


Owen's confirmation banner is a true "Example" of what a 14 yr. old boy can do if given instructions, time, help and encouragement.  



Then there is this quote.



The truth is I care and yet its not getting better.  I took a different job in my school district this year.  I was looking for a full time position (for benefits ~ I thought) and hours since I have more time on my hands these days (to be busy ~ I thought) so when I came across one in August I immediately applied.  (Could it really happen? ~ I thought)

The interviewee said the position would be working with teens who have a variety of Emotional and Behavioral Disorders.  She said we need someone to be a "cheerleader" for them.  A "coach" to encourage them to get homework done, go to class, and simply teach them manners.  Life skills if you will and your hours would follow the regular school hours.  (Sounds like a perfect match ~ I thought)  

I THOUGHT ~ I am a 48 year old cheerleader HECK! the preschool kids I worked with laughed and were happy all the time!

I THOUGHT ~ I coach my kids to do their homework,  go to class/school and I think they have good manners so I could do this for this classroom too.

I THOUGHT ~ Life skills??? What about them?? Communicate. Listen. Please and Thank You. Pay Bills. Manage my checkbook. Schedule appointments. Have babies. Buy Groceries...yep, I got my life skills in the bag! Check. Check and Check!


Little did I know.

These kids do not want cheer leaders .....yet.

They don't want to be told what to do......ever.

They want to look at their phones......(what teen doesn't?)

They think they know every manner out there ...........(I guess starting every sentence with F...Y.. is new etiquette that I missed?)

The fact that I worked with preschoolers only makes it worse.

The fact that I can LISTEN CALMLY, use Please and Thank You, and sometimes get annoyed by LOUD BURPS, flipping of water bottles, racial remarks, and a DISRESPECTFUL nature with 100% intent makes me a target ~ to test, test, and test again ~ Yes, my patience has been tested!

Little did I know.

I want to quit ..... somedays.

I want to hug them all and tell them I am here when they want to talk ..... somedays.

I want to hurl a disrespectful word right back.....somedays.

I want to quit......somedays.

I struggle .....MOST days.

However, by Sunday night I am thinking of them and wondering how their weekend went.  Hoping no body got into some terrible trouble they now regret.

So what to do????

I am so Confused....and this Confusion.......is just plain Confusing!!!!





Sunday, October 15, 2017

The times......they are a changing......

 It happens every year.  We have no control over it.  Sometimes its like clockwork and every 3 months it occurs, sometimes its not and we can be lucky or unlucky by a few days, weeks or dare I say months......No matter what IT WILL COME.  The seasons change and so do we.
Spring is a welcomed friend after a long cold winter.

 Summer flowers, early morning walks, coffee on the deck, and patio happy hours.

Fall brings beautiful colors that no one can deny.

 Winter brings reflection ~ more ways than I could have ever imagined.


This year ~ right here, right now ~ more than ever I am feeling the change.  I can't explain it and I often have no body who understands it but my mind reminds me every.single.second. that it is happening and it hasn't been easy or fun.

Jobs change.  Kids change.  Dynamics change. Vehicles change.  Wants change. Likes change. People change and then they don't.  And in the grand scheme of these changes I know, I KNOW it isn't THAT bad.  

Others are dealing with cancer.

Others are dealing with ALS.

Others are dealing with loss of a loved one.

However, don't let the change of the mind be any less of a suffering then those who suffer from the list above.  The mind can eat away at you like cancer.  The mind can cause you to go limp like ALS.  The mind can have you feeing oh so lost like when you lose a loved one.





Monday, September 25, 2017

3 kids, 3 photos, 3 loves forever!


We went to Denver and attended our niece's wedding the first weekend in September.  Although, the drive out there was full of ups and downs due to our van breaking down and ultimately having to get 2 rental vehicles, sell our van, be delayed by hours, and buy a new car once we got home, we DID IT!

We survived the stress, the saying good bye to "George" as daughter and her friends affectionately named our 2002 Honda Odyssey with 204,000 miles, and the lovely wedding while feeling a bit exhausted at the same time.

Yes, WE DID IT.  We, meaning hubby and I also celebrated our 22nd Anniversary on the same day that our niece got married.  Hard to believe that as we sat in Colorado, on the evening of September 9th....22 years earlier we were the ones saying "I do" in Detroit Lakes, MN surrounded by our friends and family and that many years younger too.



What's even more hard to imagine is that 22 years ago the thought of having children of our own was just that.....a thought.  And now look at us.  Well, you could but I figured it would be more fun to look at THEM!

Our babies are not such babies any more.  Ours are 20,18 and 14.  They are as different as they are alike.  They enjoy similar TV shows, similar treats, and similar activities (which includes a lot of their own time on their phones, watching Netflix, or playing video games.....you can probably guess which likes the latter huh?)

Different?  Yes, different too....different in how long they can tolerate me and my moods.  HA!  Different in clothing styles....Ms. Nicole will wear hats and boots where Kenzie may be a bit more conservative.  Different in activities....that Owen can swim and the girls like to swim to stay afloat but to swim competitively is another story.


And then we will finally be forced together for a road trip kind of weekend.  One full of unknowns if we would even make it due to the van breaking down or if we would simply the survive the stress of knowing maybe 10 others at a wedding of 150?? So we were stuck together.  We bonded as one would do when stuck on an island, in an elevator, or on a bus for hours on end.  We laughed about old stories and we made new stories that we will never forget.

And then we laughed some more.  I don't even remember why these three were laughing in these photos.  I can't remember if it was something I said, they said, or the fact that we wanted a "candid" photo and they were faking the laugh altogether....which probably made them laugh more because it was such a silly thing to do.

Whatever the reason these are some of the best from the trip.  The playfulness of the photo makes it perfect. So glad to call them mine......

Ups and downs lately...

Up:  I think I finally found an ice cream my kids won't like...Java Chunk!  It tastes like coffee with chocolate chunks...Yum to me but ...